Sunday, August 31, 2014

To speak up or not to speak up...

So, to speak up or not to speak up, that is the question. If you've been biting your tongue for months on several things just to avoid conflict, but suppressing the feelings and pushing it all down deep in your tummy to the point it's making you feel emotionally and physically ill, what do you do? Especially when it seems when you do say anything it's not received very well which just adds guilt to the mix that you've said anything at all.

I wanna be free to express how I feel without it being ignored or belittled.
I want the little things like someone saying thanks when I do something I truly don't have to but just because someone's had a long day and my instinct is to help ease the burden of things that must get done that night.
I want to feel appreciated, not like what I do is an expectation.
I want to know romance isn't entirely dead.
I want to feel like I matter just a little bit to someone and that I don't always come in dead last in the level of importance in life.
I want to know that how I think and feel does matter, that promises will be kept, and consideration for my shortcomings aren't a damn joke to be used against be for the amusement of others. 
I want a true apology when someone has done something to upset me, and to not be just expected to "let it go" and forget about it. I need a certain type of closure on some things before I can truly move on from it.  
I want to know that someone realizes I'm in their life because I choose to be, not because I have to be. I want the respect I feel is due me for my contributions, the respect that I'm there doing things right by their side even though sometimes I shouldn't because it causes me physical pain. I want to know that I exist aside from the person who is just there to do it all.

I need touch, affection, attention, and comfort. 
I need to feel like I'm a priority in life, not just an option. 
I need to be shown I actually matter. 
I need more than just those three little words that seem so damn empty because the actions aren't there to back it up.